


Once Upon A Time (In the Dwendalian Empire)

by Pippin



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Multi, The Mechanisms - Freeform, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22486732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pippin/pseuds/Pippin
Summary: This tale tells of those embroiled in the rebellion against the tyrant of the Dwendalian Empire, Old King Dwendal. It tells of the love of Caleb for his captured Astrid and Eodwulf, of the treatment of Astrid and Eodwulf at the hands of Dwendal’s Assembly, and of the bold but savage leadership of the rebel Expositor Beauregard. And it tells of the final fates of all of these.
Relationships: Astrid/Eodwulf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	Once Upon A Time (In the Dwendalian Empire)

**Author's Note:**

> Mind the tags-there's no happy ending in sight for us.

i. Once

Once upon a time, in a country in the middle of the continent of Wildemount, there lived a king. Long ago he was a good king, a wise king—it was even said of him that he was merry. But the magic that had extended his life to match that of his enemy queen had warped his mind as it had withered his body, and soon his soul grew red with the lust for conquest.

ii. Old King Dwendal

_Old King Dwendal was a brutal soul, and a bloody old soul had he  
He called for his mead and his sword so cold, and he called for his Scourgers  
Now, every Scourger had a razorblade, and they sharpened it with glee  
Oh, far and near, they all learned fear, from King Dwendal and his Scourgers_

_Factories churn, bodies burn  
Stars are shining bright  
It’s your turn, now you learn  
How King Dwendal feasts tonight_

_Old King Dwendal was not missold, of years he had a hundred score  
The dark appliance of infernal magic would give him millennia more  
And he would watch as nations burned out, collapsing from their core  
Oh, never to forgive he would eternal live, his hands stained red from gore._

_Old King Dwendal had conquered and stole the wealth of a thousand nations  
Surrounded was he by his Scourgers, who murdered for their sovereign’s fun  
Arrayed in armor black as ebony, it did no good to run  
Whatever the task, the grim Scourger face would tell you that your days were done_

In the center of Rexxentrum, capitol city of the Dwendalian Empire, there stood a vast palace. Cavernous halls by their hundreds were cared for by staff too numerous to count, while beneath, tunnels and passageways unused for a dozen lifetimes sprawled under the city like a spider’s web, reaching every nook and lurking place. Somewhere at the center of this labyrinth, there stood a small, unremarkable chamber, roughly hewn from thick black rock, where King Dwendal sat on his white throne. His shriveled frame seemed all the more twisted and unnatural on its ivory bulk, surrounded, as always, by the Cerberus Assembly and the Scourgers, the latter of whom were silent guardians who never spoke as the blood pooled on the floor before their ruler. The feast was soon to begin.

_Old King Dwendal had a tale he told to those brought before his throne  
Immense and white it gleamed in the night, the color of sun-bleached bone  
He’d whisper softly in their ear, the words were never known  
None could tell what he said, save for the dead and the Scourgers alone_

iii. The Trio

Now, as King Dwendal turned his envious eyes towards conquest, three powerful children were found in one of the poorer villages of the Empire—two boys and a girl, known as Astrid, Eodwulf, and Bren.

At first, it seemed that they had little in common. Eodwulf was tall, a blacksmith’s son with the build of the profession and black hair, considered the muscle of the trio. Astrid was slight, brown hair cut boyishly, the mastermind of the three. And Bren was willowy, red hair falling in his eyes and shy manner hiding the truth of his magical prowess. The three of them were to be Scourgers, together the finest warriors the Empire could have hoped for. But they were still too independent, too strong-willed and impetuous.

And so it came to pass that the king, desperate for a force that could never be stopped, never be defeated, never be halted as it marched from nation to nation, had the trio seized on their wedding day to become the start of this unholy hoard.

***

King Dwendal looked down at the two unconscious forms on the table in the center of the room. Behind the table, Archmage Trent Ikithon looked at him, surprise in his eyes.

“M-my liege, I did not expect…”

King Dwendal showed just the hint of a smile. “Of course not! I advertise my movements to nobody. So these are to be my finest Scourgers.”

Ikithon nodded. “Yes, my liege. They have proven rather more resilient to my work than we anticipated, and as such one of them, ah, broke, and has been dealt with, but rest assured that we shall have them ready to serve soon.”

“Excellent, Archmage, excellent. You have served me well.”

“Thank you, my liege. Soon we will have two beyond perfect Scourgers, ready to do whatever needs to be done. It had been considered making them immune to pain and fear, but those are important tools for survival. They will be able to overcome them, but they must be there. I am sure they will know pain. And I am sure that they will know fear.”

iv. Astrid and Eodwulf

_Astrid and Eodwulf, will I ever see you wed?  
I will marry at thy will, Master  
Ding dong, ding dong, wedding bells on an April morn  
Carve your names on a moss-covered stone, on a moss-covered stone_

_Astrid and Eodwulf, they have fought and they have bled  
Waging war on a thousand nations, on a thousand battlegrounds  
Open fire, open fire, turn your home to a funeral pyre  
All they know is pain and death and a moss-covered stone_

_Astrid and Eodwulf, eternity shall see them dead  
Always marching on to fight to another bitter end  
Open fire, open fire, the flames of war can still burn higher  
Carve that as your epitaph on your moss-covered stone_

_Astrid and Eodwulf, will I ever see you wed?  
I will marry at thy will, Master  
Ding dong, ding dong, wedding bells on an April morn  
Carve your names on a moss-covered stone, on a moss-covered stone_

v. Beauregard’s Flight

When the soldiers seized the trio, they killed everyone at the wedding. There was only one survivor—a Cobalt Soul monk and secret friend to Bren, who managed to crawl to safety, badly injured, though she lost much of herself in the process.

No longer safe in the Empire, she gathered what allies she could find and they fled towards the neighboring country of Xhorhas. But they were held up in their flight by a group of fire giants, needing to decide how best to cross the area without dying at the hands of the giants. Beau called the group together, and together they decided to use what magic they had at their hands to simply make a desperate break for it.

vi. Run Shanty

_Some wiser man than I once spoke  
That life at heart is all a joke  
But he was not embroiled in smoke  
So it’s run, me boys, before we choke_

_Run, me boys, let us fly  
We’re down in hell, let’s get to the sky  
Bend your backs and break your bones  
We’re just a million miles from home_

_The image of my sweetheart’s face  
It fires my heart and sets the pace  
Whate’er the time, whate’er the place  
I’ll find him in this conflict_

_I long to lie atop my bed  
With pleasant dreams inside my head  
But running’s all I get instead  
I’ll only sleep among the dead_

_My blood is pooling on the floor  
And every second I lose more  
But there’s so much healing in store  
I’ll run and carry three or more_

_The smoke and heat will scorch your lungs  
The air is thick, your eyes are stung  
But there’s no clean air left to run  
This running business ain’t much fun_

_Our protection all is shot to hell  
I’m not running all too well  
My joints and muscles ache and swell  
So fuck the king, and you as well!_

_A fleeing attempt gone awry  
Run into giants and left to fry  
Is no excuse, boys, let us cry:  
“Today is not the day we die!”_

_Run, me boys, let us fly  
We’re down in hell, let’s get to the sky  
Bend your backs and break your bones  
We’re just a million miles from home_

vii. The Groom

After three days with little food, with little water, with little sleep, Beau and the rest of her party reached Xhorhas. There, adopting the identity of Expositor Beauregard, she began to lead the fight back against the king.

But someone else had escaped—Bren. He loved Astrid and Eodwulf, and he would have married them, were it not for the king’s intercession.

The attempts to take his free will and shape him into the perfect Scourger had broken him, and then he had escaped from the asylum he’d been placed in. He fled, changing his name to Caleb before meeting up with Beau and her friends, and swore to find his loves and take revenge. 

viii. Caleb’s Song

_When I was a little boy, my mother always told me  
“Someday you’ll find your princess, my love”  
But as I grew I knew it was the both of you who would hold me  
I looked to the stars for you, my loves_

_Oh my loves, as the soldiers came  
I looked to the stars for you, my loves  
Oh my loves, as our family was falling  
I looked to the stars for you, my loves_

_My world was left a-burning and my heart a-bleeding  
I looked to the stars for you, my loves  
Even as he took our minds and made us into puppets  
I looked to the stars for you, my loves_

_Oh my loves, as they took me to the asylum  
I looked through the bars for you, my loves  
Oh my loves, my soul then it was stricken  
I looked through those bars for you, my loves_

_A woman in a cloak, she came, and took away my madness  
I dreamt of being in your arms again, my loves  
Together again, we longed to hear the matrimonial hymn sing  
Eternally bound to you, my loves_

_Oh my loves, as Ikithon warped and changed us  
I couldn’t take it, I broke, my loves  
Forgive me, loves, as I escaped and ran away forever  
I ran far away without you, my loves_

_Years have passed, yet still I search, I know they cannot hide you  
I looked through the stars for you, my loves  
I will come back to you and the life they have denied you  
I look through the stars for you, my loves_

_Oh my loves, we shall finally be together  
I look through the stars for you, my loves  
Oh my loves, held in your arms forever  
I shall come for you, my loves  
Oh my loves, oh my loves,  
Your Caleb shall come for you, my loves._

ix. The Resistance Grows

Meanwhile in Xhorhas, Beau’s revolution was going from strength to strength, and soon it spread. Trostenwald, Felderwin, everywhere touched by the rule of the king.

Their tactics could be cruel and vicious, as befitted their despotic foe, but there were heroes. Jester Lavorre, armed with her spectral lollipop. Caduceus Clay, keeping his allies on their feet beyond the limits of endurance. Nott the Brave, appearing from nowhere to deal devastating damage on friend and foe alike. Yasha, the quiet mass of a woman with skeletal wings and a sword the size of those she cleaved with it. Fjord, bearing the blessing of a goddess while still shaking off his old curse.

They fought monsters, magical simulacrum clones made of the Scourger Eodwulf. They even won more than they lost.

But in all the annals of the Resistance, no name shines brighter than that of Mollymauk Tealeaf, known to his friends simply as Molly. He was known to take injury inflicted himself to further injure the foes he fought against. He was eventually killed, of course, but if you tuned your radio just right of an evening, you might have heard the unofficial anthem of the Resistance.

x. Mollymauk

_Oh, when the Scourgers, they come a-marching  
Well, we will fight, we will fight, fight for Mollymauk  
Oh, when the Scourgers, they come a-marching  
Spit in the face of history_

_And when the giants, they come a-rolling  
Well, we will fight, we will fight, fight for Mollymauk  
When the giants, they come a-rolling  
If he can slay them, so can we_

_And when the spells rain down above us,  
Well, we will stand, we will stand, stand like Mollymauk  
When the spells rain down above us  
Then we shall stand with dignity_

_And when the Assembly comes over the water,  
Then we will sink them, we’ll sink them for Mollymauk  
When the Assembly comes over the water  
Then we will sink them in their sea_

_And when the whiskey, it starts a-flowing  
Then we shall drink, we shall drink, drink to Mollymauk  
When the whiskey, it starts a-flowing  
Then let us pour it fast and free_

_And when they hunt us, they shall not find us  
For we’ll be quick, we’ll be quick, quick like Mollymauk  
When they hunt us, they shall not find us  
And we shall live in infamy_

_And when my body is lost and broken  
Then I shall rest, I shall rest down with Mollymauk  
When my body is lost and broken  
Well, then boys, you fight for me_

_Oh, when the Scourgers, they come a-marching  
Well, we will fight, we will fight, fight for Mollymauk  
Oh, when the Scourgers, they come a-marching  
Spit in the face of history_

xi. Keyleth Strikes

In reality, of course, it was Molly’s own powers that brought him down. And he was a conman and a liar, but he was a good and loyal friend. But heroes have been made out of less, and, in the end, he died well.

And it was in this manner that the war raged on. The heroes of the neighboring continent of Tal’Dorei, the adventuring band once known as Vox Machina, had been watching all this time, fascinated, for when you are now-retired adventurers, a good war is a very pleasant distraction indeed. But it was at this point they discovered something interesting.

The simulacrum clones of Eodwulf were the most effective, but they were not the first. Rumors spoke of an early prototype made from Astrid, but in the process she had come to her senses and rebelled, killing everyone in the area where the experiments were being done. She had eventually been brought down, but she was not dead.

As Vox Machina discovered, instead, she slept at the heart of the magical defense system that surrounded much of Rexxentrum. It was virtually impenetrable, and at its center Astrid slept, her own innate magical abilities fueling the defenses so that the Assembly could turn their focus elsewhere.

And this bothered Keyleth, the druid and leader of the Air Ashari, so she went to Whitestone to convince Percival and Vex’ahlia De Rolo that they needed to intervene in the conflict.

“I don’t want to argue about this!” she said, but the look on her face made it clear that Keyleth had made up her mind.

“I just don’t understand,” was Vex’s reply. “This isn’t our conflict, and we’ve agreed to stay out of harm’s way. We have a family, Keyleth. We can’t abandon our children and go charging off into battle in another country on another continent.”

Keyleth sighed. “I know. It just reminds me of Doctor Ripley and the Briarwoods, and I’m not comfortable letting that be. Anyway, I’m just letting you know out of courtesy. I’ve already informed the others and arranged our travel. It’s been a while since we’ve had any real adventuring, and I’m sure you’re getting bored.”

Vex and Percy exchanged a look, and then sighed. “Very well.”

xii. Sleeping Astrid

_Trapped within the warmth and the darkness, from the waking world I was torn  
Never leaving dreamless slumber, in a mind that was broken and worn  
Guarded by uncounted ready blades and men  
Sharper than a barrier of thorns_

_Once, out in the sky I was happy, faintly I remember the sun  
Soaring through the dawn and its brightness, magic, love, both I had won  
Then a flash of pain as the magic pierced my mind  
And all at once my roaming was done_

_Magic through my veins and my tendons, keeping safe my hateful old king  
Protecting his infernal defense grid, unwillingly my magic is poured  
I once heard tell a kiss could wake me  
But I hope my loves will bring a sword_

Vox Machina’s arrival in Rexxentrum was surprisingly simple and uneventful, as it was easy enough to slip in behind the guise of diplomats from Tal’Dorei.

_Take us in gently, Keyleth, let’s see what these Scourgers can do  
Gotta say I’m in the mood for adventures and I reckon you might be too  
Let’s get this party started the only way we know  
Gunfire and explosions, that’s our cue_

_Fire ‘til your spell slots are empty, ‘til you cannot hold your swords  
If you’re finished playing at soldiers you might have noticed we’re stronger than you  
I suggest you beat a fucking tactical retreat  
Or we’ll let slip the dogs of war and havoc cry_

Percy glanced over at the sleeping woman surrounded by arcane glyphs and sigils. “Is that her? How do we wake her up?”

Grog shrugged. “You could try kissing her.”

Percy looked appalled. “I’m not going to kiss a sleeping stranger, Grog. That’s really fucking creepy, never mind I’m married.”

“I’ll do it,” Scanlan said, overlapping with Vex’s suggestion of Dispel Magic.

Luckily, the later was enacted first, and the woman woke, slowly, without anyone having to kiss her. 

_Here within the central chamber, circled by the dead, Astrid sleeps  
Inching ever closer to freedom, there beyond the glass, still she weeps  
I wonder what surprises the waking world will hold  
As gradually consciousness creeps._

xiii. Endgame

Astrid vanished into the city, and Vox Machina, their moral obligations fulfilled, headed back to Tal’Dorei.

But the magical defense grid was disabled, and it didn’t take long for the rebels to notice. Soon they gathered outside of Rexxentrum, while in the city, the last of Old King Dwendal’s loyalist troops prepared for their defense.

And on that morning, the last any of them would ever see, Beau and Old King Dwendal addressed their troops, and the final gambit was begun.

xiv. No Happy Ending

_Some call us heroes and some call us foots  
And all say we’re destined for defeat  
But damn their eyes, if I must die  
At least I can do it on my feet  
The bitter old king and his sick regime  
Have pushed us all beyond the edge  
We’re brutal and cruel as we battle his rule  
For we learned from the tyrant’s tutelage  
Now’s our chance, choke down your pain  
We can end this bastard’s reign_

_The battle line’s drawn  
All hope forlorn  
Prepare your souls  
There’s no happy ending in sight for us_

_Listen my people and hear my words  
Harken to the voice of your lord  
The rebels descend, let’s make an end  
Of them: spell and bullet and knife and sword  
Lay down your lives in defense of your king  
We’ll shore up the walls with the loyal dead  
Spill your blood in a crimson flood  
The wolves of war shall soon be fed  
Now our backs are to the wall  
Stand your ground we shall not fall_

_We go to war  
With tooth and claw  
Prepare your souls  
There’s no happy ending in sight for us_

_So check your spell slots and whet your blades  
The midday sun calls us to fight  
Our sacrifice shall be the price  
Of doing what is right  
The names of our fallen long shall be sung  
In ballad and poem for years untold  
Let’s end the tale, we must not fail  
Be stalwart and true, my heroes bold  
There’s no refuge for defeat  
No surrender, no retreat_

_The end comes near  
Face your fear  
Prepare your souls  
There’s no happy ending in sight for us_

xv. Chapter the Last

Spells and fire rained from the sky, while on the ground the bodies of the dead and dying were used as cover and camouflage for those still fighting.

When Caleb arrived, he knew from Caduceus’s Locate Creature spell that his loves were near. Looking to his friends, the core of Beau’s troop, known as the Mighty Nein—a lie, but a pretty one—they descended beneath the city, to seek the throne room of the king.

What they found was a group of Scourgers, facing off with Astrid. She and Caleb shared a brief hug, then members of the Assembly came up behind them. The battle was brief, members of both sides falling like chaff, and then Astrid saw Wulf, still in the magic rune circle he’d been in for years, and woke him with a desperate Dispel Magic. Wulf opened his eyes, and his first fight in years was his wife. Falling lifeless to the floor with a sword through her heart.

Nothing could contain Wulf’s rage as he joined the tattered and quickly falling band of rebels in destroying the other Scourgers and the Assembly. And then he saw Caleb. For one beautiful moment they embraced. And then King Dwendal stabbed Wulf in the back.

As he watched the life drain from his loves, Caleb’s eyes narrowed, his fist clenched, and he brought down the bloodied king with a single spell. There was an almighty crash as his ivory thrown split, and then silence.

A long, bitter silence, broken only by the weeping of Caleb, sobbing over his lost loves.

xvi. Laid In Blood

_The Mighty Nein Warriors and a king, laid in blood when the battle has done  
The price of a long due reckoning, laid in blood when the battle has done  
Old King Dwendal has paid the toll of the crimes levied upon his soul  
The rebel blades have achieved their goal, laid in blood when the battle was done  
His mouth hangs open and his eyes are wide, with magic flames is his body defiled  
While round his throne room the dead lie piled, laid in blood when the battle has done_

_The Mighty Nein warriors and Expositor Beau, laid in blood when the battle has done  
Fought like the devil in the dead of night, laid in blood when the battle has done  
Believed in peace, yet marched to war, stabbed through the chest, dead upon the floor  
Covered in her own and her friends’ gore, laid in blood when the battle has done  
With an army to lead and a war to win, brought down dozens of her own kin  
Atoning for some vast and secret sin, laid in blood when the battle has done_

_The Mighty Nein warriors and Astrid and Wulf, laid in blood when the battle has done  
While outside the door many more lay dead, laid in blood when the battle has done  
Their bodies lie in their husband’s caress, their faces finally free of their lives’ distress  
Released from their cells, like the wrath of hell, the Scourgers and Assembly to their anger fell  
But King Dwendal sounded their funeral knell, laid in blood when the battle has done_

_The Mighty Nein warriors gone to their rest, laid in blood when the battle has done  
Fought with the worst and died with the best, laid in blood when the battle has done  
Caleb saw his betrotheds at last, their beauty untouched by the time gone past  
Then the old king attacked and it went too fast, laid in blood when the battle has done  
Those to whom through the years he’d sing, dead at the hand of the thrice-damned king  
He burned his body with flames that sing, laid in blood when the battle has done_

_Their bodies are still and their blood is cold, the book is closed and the story told  
No happily ever after for a tale so old, laid in blood when the battle has done._

_The end._

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of The Mechanisms' album Once Upon a Time (In Space). If you haven't listened to it, do. It's a steampunk-esque retelling of fairy tales, and I could never do it justice. At the very least, listen to Pump Shanty (Run Shanty) and Our Boy Jack (Mollymauk). Also I had to remove the best exchange in the entire album, as I couldn't find a way to make it fit: "fuck the ship!" "I do." Highly recommend.
> 
> Also, I'm very sorry to the Blumenkrew server for killing off both Astrid and Eodwulf. I know you yelled at me not to do it, and suggested I change the ending. I couldn't, and I shall feast on your tears ;)


End file.
